Thursday, July 12, 2012

I need this!!!!

Tadashi Shoji

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Sleeping Pills and Emotional Ills

An unconventional post for Curvalicious Diva, but please bear with me...

My dear friend and de facto sister tried to kill herself 24 hours ago. took a half a bottle of sleeping pills because she was hearing voices because she was high... I wish I could say something like "How could she do this to herself? I don't understand how people get hoked on drugs!" But the fact is I do understand... As soon as I got home from trying to deal with getting help for my suicidal, drug addicted, pseudo family, who is in CA and therefore just out of reach, my being in Boston at all, all I wanted to do was eat. I wanted to eat to cover up the pain, frustration, and most of all helplessness that I felt at not being able to be there for her or to take her where she could get help, get to rehab, without falling back into her f'd up support system of drug addicted flunkies.

I wish I could also say that I avoided temptation, knowing full well that I would only be hurting myself in the long run and that wouldn't solve anything, but I cant. I gave in, I had 4 slices of bread with butter, 2 helpings of pasta with pesto, and a big bowl of mashed sweet potatoes... Are you catching the theme here? I eat carbs to bury my emotions, the same reason my friend shoots crystal meth... We all have our vices, be it wine, whiskey, food, sex, drugs, excessive exercise, etc. Apparently real life is just to hard to face head on... We F that! If I expect my friend to get clean, I have to expect myself to do the same! I cant exactly go to rehab for my addiction but there are similar places, OA, WW, Yoga, the Gym. I will not let food take away my experience of life, with all of the thorns and frustrations that come with it.

The thing I really realized last night is that I am much more likely to make positive choices in an "I'm bored" situation than an "I'm helpless" situation but the truth was, I wasn't helpless. I did absolutely everything that I could have done under the circumstances. I called everyone who loves her, I got her a support system, I talked to her doctors, I called rehab facilities, I did what I could under the circumstances. I wish I could have been there to hold her hand and take her home but the reality is that I couldn't. That doesn't make me helpless. At this point unfortunately I have to wait to see what happens to her, I don't have access to her, her boyfriend isn't answering my calls, but I wont let that take away my power. I am not helpless I am strong. She is a grown woman who has to make her own choices and decisions and the only thing I can to is be there for her on the other end whatever she decides to do.

So here's to not letting circumstances get me down and hoping my friend/sister can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Silver Linings and Golden Rules

How sad is it that I have not posted in almost a year?! I had taken a new job which didnt really allow time for posting or thinking about plus sized fashion. In the past year so much has happened... I have lost and gained 40 lbs, turned 30, on again-off agained with someone special and ultimately said goodbye, and moved to Boston from NYC to start a new chapter in this crazy journey we call life.

I am starting a new job in about 10 days and just rediscovered yoga by finding an awesome yoga studio VERY close to the T that I am hoping to have a long affair with! (Check them out: South Boston Yoga) After moving to Boston I discovered a great organic produce delivery service (Boston Organics) which is amazing since I dont have a car! They deliver a box of organic goodness every week right to my house which makes for fun recipe attempts all week! And I have lost about 10 lbs since relocating so all in all I'm pretty sure it was the right move.

Don't worry ladies, this Curvalicious Diva still loves her curves, I just want my hourglass to be a couple less hours, if you know what I mean. In that vein I want to share a bit of a revelation that I had the other day... I am a big believer in The Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" Or in other words treat people how you want to be treated. I think the world would be utopia if only people would remember this! But I realized that this concept has to relate to YOURSELF and your body as well! Why it took me 30 years to figure out that little chunk of wisdom I will never know but anyway. I have a little diary blog that I use sometimes and I wrote this the other day. I think others might benefit from it so I am re-posting here. Enjoy!

"Treat your body as you wish it to treat you... if you want a body that can run 5 miles, feed it the fuel it needs to do that and give it the rest and exercise it needs as well. If you want a body that has the stamina to make it through a 5 hour Wagner opera treat it as if it does, practice singing so it can produce when you want it to. If you want to be as beautiful and sexy on the outside as you are on the inside, see it as such already. Treat your body as the beautiful powerful thing that you want it to be and it will treat you as the beautiful powerful thing that you are!"